Unacceptable Behavior

"This behavior is simply unacceptable."

A mom was telling me about her son hitting a friend on the playground.

I asked her: "What do you mean when you say that it’s unacceptable?"

"I mean that he can’t do that."

"I'm confused," I said. "My understanding is that he already has done it. If that's right, how true is it that he can't do it?" 

"I guess technically it's not true at all. He clearly can do it. In fact, he already has." 

"So, for you, what does it really mean to say a behavior is unacceptable?" 

"I think when I originally said that, I was just arguing with reality - by rejecting his behavior, maybe that would make it stop. But now that I'm thinking about it, when I say that it's unacceptable, I guess what I'm really saying is that I'm having trouble accepting that my son did this." 

What a wise parent! 

Acceptance is the key to being conscious in parenting. When we say that something is unacceptable, we are simply identifying job number one.

By saying something is unacceptable, you may believe you’ve set some kind of boundary - That’s it! You simply cannot do this anymore. I have decided you must stop. Unfortunately, that’s not how kids change, it’s only how relationships break down. The truth is that deciding something is unacceptable is simply a description of what is going on internally for you - I cannot accept this. It is too painful! 

Don’t try to forbid yourself from saying this common parenting statement! Instead, realize that, far from setting a boundary or fixing a problem, you are actually doing something even more important: raising your own consciousness about an internal struggle. This is actually wonderful! 

If something feels unacceptable, work on accepting it. Only when you have accepted it, can you respond to it consciously and effectively?

Raising parents’ consciousness and helping them parent from intuition is exactly my job. Whether it’s an empowering and intentional conversation in a coaching session, or through the holistic mind, body and spirit exercises at the Awaken The Wise Mama Retreat, it’s always about moving away from fear and ego, and into alignment and awareness. The result is a parent who walks alongside their child with intention, leadership and connection. 

I invite you to create this magic for yourself right now. Sign up for the Awaken retreat. Book a discovery call and learn more about coaching. Let me help you understand your challenges, see clearly how to create the behavior and relationships you want in your family, and identify exactly what approach is right for you. Reach out today!