Time is Short
Nov 21, 2023
Time is Short
Last week, I wrote about overcoming generational cycles and shared a story from my childhood. Many of you have had similar experiences, and I've been honored to hear some of your stories.
Today, I share something I've seen in myself and my clients as we work through our commitment-breaking cycles. As our understanding of our past deepens, it's normal to spend time in blame, anger, and grief about not having the childhood we deserved. It's a real loss that deserves to be mourned. We might imagine that if the people who hurt us could see the light, realize their mistakes, and maybe even apologize, we'd gain some healing and move forward.
Move Forward
Unfortunately, that's not so, which is why I don't recommend staying in that place forever. I'm lucky that several times in my life, my parents have come around to new ideas and given me some things I had been wishing for (while simultaneously trying not to expect). Things like apologies, expressions of pride and acknowledgment, etc. And sadly, it solves nothing. Sorry.
The truth is that while it's not our fault that BS crap happened to us, it is our responsibility to come back from it. If I cut you, it is you - your damaged body - that must heal the wound. The people who hurt us can do nothing to fix the damage they caused now. Even harder is that overcoming our past requires us to release the blame and anger. So unfair! Being mad is a lot easier and less scary than giving up the protection of our anger, I know all too well.
This summer, something incredible happened I never thought I'd see. Someone from my past began to face their mistakes and try to make amends. They even asked me, "I understand how I affected you; what can I do now to help? How can I make it better?" My answer? You can't. It's too late, and now it's on me.
It's too Late.
As I said it, my heart broke because I can imagine how excruciating it would be to hear this from one of my kids. This is what's scary - we have a small amount of time to parent well. After that window closes, where we have fallen short (which WILL happen) becomes our kids' work.
When our caretakers didn't do the personal work necessary to raise us well, we were left holding the bag. And if we don't do that work ourselves, we pass that bag right on to our kids.
Working with me is about taking up that mantle - so that we don't have to hear, "It's too late," from our kids. Ever.
You don't have to do this work alone. Every day, I work with parents who are healing themselves so they can break cycles and give their kids the parenting they wish they had. We start with a free discovery call where you get to share about your family, your struggles, and your vision for how you want your family to be in the future. I am there to listen and then offer my insight on what will make a difference for you and how we can work together. Book your call now.
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