Stop Apologizing

"Where's my apology?"

A couple I’m working with got this breakfast greeting from their teen after a fight the night before. It’s a common refrain in their house. When things don’t go the way she wants, there’s a big blowout followed by a demand for an apology once things cool down.

And understandably, the couple is looking for THEIR well deserved apology, too! A stalemate arises that only thaws when someone finally decides to cave and apologize. Then the whole cycle repeats. All the apologies in the world don’t help, for one simple reason:

No one in this family really wants an apology.

What they need instead is validation, which is far more important. Every single one of us needs to know that our feelings make sense and we’re justified in feeling the way we do. So if this kind of thing is happening in your family: 

Stop apologizing.

Instead of indulging in everyone’s story that they’ve been wronged, by constantly saying, “I’m sorry,” try saying things like, “I can see how upset you are. That makes perfect sense.” 

Our kids can’t give us the validation we need, but without it we simply can't parent well. So we must find ways to give it to ourselves, not by seeking apologies but by processing our emotions with help.

I am my clients' safe space! 

This is part of my job - I am my clients’ safe space - where they get to vent, share even their secret feelings and hear from me, “Of course you feel that way! I completely understand.” 

How about you? Do you feel validation while you parent?

Are you ready to give that to yourself, along with information, new skills, accountability and never ending support? That is what it is to work with a coach like me. We all deserve these things and if you are ready to receive what you deserve, I am ready to give it to you. Book a Discovery Call with me where you will feel the validation and path forward immediately!

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