It's Not Fair!
Nov 05, 2024
It's not fair! A few months ago, a mom in my group program shared that she had realized her older son had outgrown a family rule about getting ready for school according to a specific schedule. Her son didn’t need that structure, and she wanted to change the rule. But what about his younger sister?
“My daughter really thrives with a concrete routine. So, should I tell my son about changing the rule privately so she’s not upset that she still has the old setup?"
It's Not Fair!
We often anticipate our kids' “It’s not fair!” complaint and parent in ways we hope will avoid it. But why?
Unless we have multiples, our kids aren’t the same age. And even if they are, they aren’t the same person. We know that good parenting includes attuning to our children. If they are different and have different strengths and struggles, why would we give them the exact same childhood? In fact, when you think about it, trying to parent this way is actually bad for our kids!
Doing right by our kids doesn’t mean doing the same for each child, and a child’s idea of fairness is, well…childish!
Instead of feeling pressure to conform to our kids’ immature worldviews, why not help them develop a more nuanced and grown-up understanding of the world? It’s almost like that’s what we’re supposed to be doing as parents or something!
If we’re not afraid of our kids learning that everyone is different, if we’re ready to help them confront that hard truth, we don’t have to tie ourselves in knots trying to be robotic parenting dispensers instead of actual humans in relationships with our kids.
Stay the Course
It’s not easy to stay the course, notice when we are avoidant in our parenting, or overcome that avoidance. If you’re ready to get help with all of these things, it’s time for us to talk. Share your story with me and get my honest feedback.
I look forward to our Discovery Call!
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