I'm Not the Disciplinarian
Nov 26, 2024
I'm Not the Disciplinarian - I always hear this when meeting parents for the first time. So many co-parenting dyads (spouses, partners, or separated parents) consist of one parent who is the “disciplinarian” and one who is the “softie.” This can be effective, but it’s never ideal. Why?
I'm Not the Disciplinarian
Because kids need authoritative parenting, which means receiving both discipline and emotional connection from their parents. If we’re strong in one area but not the other, we’re not parenting authoritatively, and we feel it.
Authoritarian vs Authoritative Style
If you’re the disciplinarian but weak in that ‘softie’ stuff, you’re likely parenting with an authoritarian (not authoritative) style - it might feel like your kiddo is a little scared of you, and they may turn away from you when they need emotional support. That hurts.
Permissive Parenting
And, if you’re the softie but weak in discipline, you’re probably a permissive parent. You might feel like a doormat sometimes and may be unsure how to actually influence change in your child’s behavior. Ouch.
Neither of these parent-child relationships feels good because there’s a missing ingredient. When kids get only one element of authoritative parenting from each parent, there is no parent with whom they have a whole, healthy relationship. Put simply:
1 permissive parent + 1 authoritarian parent ≠ authoritative parenting
If this dynamic describes some patterns in your family, I can help. It’s my job to help you identify your strengths and areas for growth in your parenting, take those growth areas to the next level, and get you closer to weaving both elements of authoritative parenting into your relationship with your child. Set up a free Discovery Call so I can learn about your family and understand your goals, and we can outline a roadmap for you to get there.
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