How do You Look at Your Goals

How do you feel about goals?

Many coaches and self-helpers encourage us to see goals as commitments. They suggest we act as if the goal is already a reality and pursue it with the dogged, relentless determination to fulfill a commitment. This approach can be powerful for some but toxic for others.

My Story

About 10 years ago, I signed up for the Cherry Creek Sneak, a 5-mile fun run in Denver. I decided to go for an 8:00-minute mile and prepped rigorously, but a bunch of things happened during the race, and I ended up running an 8:07-minute mile instead. I was devastated. I ran right past my family, cheering for me at the finish line to cry behind the port-A-potties over my horrible failure…because of 7 seconds. 😒

Does this sound like someone who needs to be more dogged and relentless about goals? As an Enneatype One, I naturally see goals as commitments - if I say I’m going to do something, I must do it, or else I feel like I lack integrity. The work of an Enneatype One is about softening our mentality of rigid commitments and self-judgment and learning to see goals as hopes or dreams instead of obligations. Because I have been doing that work on myself, I no longer cry behind port-a-potties. I have brought that softening to my parenting, so I have incredibly relaxed and beautiful relationships with my children.

Parenting and Goals

As a parent coach, I often see parents set goals around their children’s behavior, achievements, or even emotions (“I just want my kid to have good manners, care about school, be happy, etc.”). And then they treat their goals as commitments, beating themselves up when things don’t go as planned. It’s painful and unhelpful for everyone!

Setting goals for other people is a killer, and tying our self-worth to any goal, especially one we’ve set for someone else, is torture.

Do you see yourself here?

If you see yourself in any of these situations —self-flagellation, despair when your family is off track, creating visions of how things should be, and comparing reality to that vision—coaching can help. Instead of falling prey to the one-size-fits-all approach of ambition all around us, a good coach will attune to who you are and realize you may need to move in a totally different direction.

When I work with parents, it’s my job to get to know YOU and help you shift into hopefulness without attachment. I will teach you to set self-contained goals that don’t depend on others living up to your expectations. The result is a healthy parent-child relationship and a hell of a lot happier experience of parenthood. Ready to give it a try? It all starts with a free Discovery Call, during which we get to know each other, and I learn the best way to support you. Set it up today!

Learn more about group parent coaching here. 

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