Are You Default Parenting?
Oct 09, 2024
Are You Default Parenting?
What is the Pattern?
A client was laughing with me after noticing a pattern in our work. Here are some quotes from our sessions - see if you notice the pattern:
- "I want to keep my son encouraged about reading."
- "How can I get them to chill out?"
- "I always try to keep the family happy."
- "Can you help me get her inspired about science and math?"
- "I need to work my daughter out of her spiral."
What is the pattern?
Deep down, she believes it's her job to keep her kids calm, happy, relaxed, and positive. This is her default thought, and it has created her default parenting style: hovercrafting, rescuing, lecturing, people-pleasing, and giving in.
Default vs. Intentional Parenting
In our time together, she has shifted from default to intentional parenting. She holds her kids accountable and lets them own their results; their behavior has improved immensely. And yet, our sessions begin with her default thoughts almost every time.
Default thinking is universal, never-ending, and can control us if we're not careful. This mama can laugh about it because her default is no longer a problem for her. Every week, she gets a reset with me to remind herself that going along with her default is optional, and she can decide to do something different.
Whatever your default is, you can get out from under it. THIS is the key to total behavior transformation: move away from default thinking so you can STOP default parenting. It starts with a free Discovery Call so I can understand your specific challenges, uncover your default, and help you chart a better course.
Just for funsies.
I went through my notes and made a list of some of the default thoughts my clients repeatedly bring up. Can you see yourself on this list?
- I shouldn't care about others' opinions.
- I'll look like a bad mom.
- I should be grateful.
- I don't want to make others uncomfortable.
- It's my fault.
- I let my kids down.
- I shouldn't need childcare.
- I'm failing them.
- I'm too nice.
- I have to fix it.
- I don't want to be mean.
- What if they hate me?
- I'm turning them into jerks.
- It's all on me.
- I can't ask for help.
- I'm supposed to know how to do this.
- I'm not enough.
If you know you are beyond ready to step out of default parenting, like yesterday, do not pass go! Set up your Discovery Call now!
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