People-Pleaser Parenting
Feb 11, 2025
People-Pleaser Parenting
“I love my kids, but I hate the teen years - having to deal with all these emotions when I can barely deal with my own! I am annoyed by their crappy moods and find myself avoiding my kids!”
This is a very honest quote from a mom in a recent group call. She’s noticed that when someone’s in a bad mood in her family, she gets pissed and grouchy almost immediately. My initial response kind of stumped her:
“You don’t have to deal with their emotions; they do.”
This sparked a great conversation where she began to realize that she has struggled her whole life with feeling responsible for other people’s happiness. Well, no wonder moody kids are a soul sucker for her!
When we believe that someone's happiness is our job, their UN-happiness literally makes work for us! Of course, we’re going to be irritated, and in fact, many parents have an attitude toward their kids’ emotions that can be summed up as:
“Your crappy mood is a pain in my ass.”
The Dilemma
It can cause a people-pleaser’s blood to boil when the people they’re trying to please…aren’t. But think about this mom’s dilemma! Her teenagers will definitely NOT be happy all the time over the next few years. The mercurial ups and downs, dark moods, and dramatic overreactions of adolescence mean that unless she learns to be OK with their emotions, she will be furious with them until they leave the house!
Breaking the cycle of people-pleasing is a major game-changer for many of my clients. Once we let people take responsibility for their emotions and get comfortable with others’ negative feelings, so much is possible. Holding boundaries becomes simpler, staying calm and compassionate while kids ride their roller coasters becomes natural instead of impossible, and we begin to actually enjoy parenthood, even when things aren’t rosy.
Ready to live the dream?
I’d love to hear about your challenges and help you overcome whatever gets in the way of YOUR happiness in parenthood. Set up a free Discovery Call, and let’s get you started on a path to freedom and enjoyment with your kids, even when things are tough.
Learn more about group parent coaching here.
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