Obnoxious Middle Schoolers

Obnoxious Middle Schoolers - Middle schoolers can be SO irritating!

This week, a mom in my coaching group talked about her middle schooler, who is going through an obnoxious phase. I bet you can relate. It’s constant bottle flipping, guess what/chikenbutt-ing, jump-scaring mom, prolonging bedtime with a cuddle/wrestle episode…you get the idea.

“How do I set a neutral boundary so I’m not pushed to my limit, then losing my temper over something that is supposed to be playful? I feel like a jerk saying no to this stuff! Maybe it’s better to stuff my feelings down because I’m lucky my teen still wants to hang out with me!”

Boundaries

Middle schoolers stink at noticing when they’ve gone too far! They’re figuring out how to be social creatures by being really BAD at it, experimenting with all the social things - what’s acceptable, what’s appropriate, how to be friends, how to joke around…and how far is too far. Boundaries give feedback that they’ve crossed a line and teach them what is obnoxious and what is a good time.

Too Far

Many of us let kids go way beyond “too far” before we do something about it. If we want to hold NEUTRAL boundaries, we need to set and enforce them BEFORE we’re pissed.

The situation is extra challenging for this particular mom because she’s an Enneatype 2 (sometimes called The Helper or Giver). Two’s are self-denying; they’re hyper-aware of others while disregarding SELF-awareness, putting themselves aside to give to others. This mom focuses on how special it is for her kids when she’s a good sport and can connect with them but ignores herself. So it makes perfect sense for her to dismiss her early cues and remain unaware of how irritated she is until she is so aggravated she blows her stack!

This is where coaching comes in.

During our session, we discussed the phase her kiddo is in and the need for boundaries. But we also went deeper. While the struggle with setting boundaries is universal, as a Two, she has a unique reason behind her struggle and the unique growth needed to overcome it. Instead of a one-size-fits-all approach, we incorporated the journey of a Two - to become as attuned to herself as she is to others - into her work. Her personal parenting strategy includes cultivating self-awareness. As she does, the “too far point” will become clear to her before she crosses it, and enforcing her boundary neutrally will be easy.

When you work with me, we learn universal parenting concepts and dovetail that with who YOU are. What is your personal growth journey? What parts of yourself need work so that you can implement what you’re learning? This is why my clients get incredible results and unlock a whole new level of connection with themselves and their kids through our work. Ready to get some of this magic in your own life? Set up a free Discovery Call, and let’s get started! 

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