Let Your Kid Lead - But Take Care of Yourself Too
Mar 26, 2025
Let Your Kid Lead - But Take Care of Yourself Too - In last week’s group call, a mom of a 19-year-old with “failure to launch” syndrome shared her current challenges.
Let Your Kid Lead
“I’ve been hoping he’ll take the lead on moving out, paying his own bills, etc, but he is just not stepping up. What can I do to light a fire under his butt?”
I asked a bit of a provocative question:
“Maybe what he’s doing right now IS taking the lead. What if this is what leading looks like for him right now?”
Luckily, this mama has been working with me for a while and is an Enneatype Nine, so it’s her first nature to find common ground and harmony with others, even her frustrating coach ;) So she thoughtfully considered the idea and asked:
“OK, so how do you reconcile the idea of letting kids lead, with being in a situation that downright sucks while you wait for them to do that?”
Incredible question!
Deep exploration like this is the best part of my job. My response:
“Letting kids lead doesn’t mean we stop taking care of ourselves. How can you let him lead but also take care of yourself?”
Nines have a magical ability to find harmony, so both parties can be satisfied. Ironically, the harmonious solution she found was exactly the biggest challenge for a Nine: boundaries and selfishness. Because Nines naturally move away from discord and toward harmony, they can struggle with boundaries or putting themselves first, but this mom knows these things are so important for her and her family.
Take a Deep Breath
She took a deep breath and resolved to look at her interactions with her son from the lens of what would make life pleasant for HER, feel good to her, work well for her own needs, etc. From this vantage point, she planned several new approaches to the most problematic situations between them.
Walk the Line
When kids’ issues create strife for us, we can feel forced to choose between sitting in a crappy situation or strongarming things into improving, but both approaches do more harm than good. Working with me, you’ll learn how to walk the line between those extremes - allowing kids to take the lead (inelegantly, clumsily, and slooooowly) while we take steps to make that situation livable, and even enjoyable, for ourselves. Our kids’ floundering is important for them, which means making ourselves comfortable so that we don’t rob them of it, which is a crucial parenting skill.
Ready to try? Set up a free Discovery Call and we’ll find that sweet spot for you too!
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